It's almost been a full year between the last post and this one. I can't form habits. It just doesn't happen for me. I want to do things and then I just don't do them. I want to make music, write blogs, clean my fish tanks, brush my teeth, buy a bike. But then I play video games with people or by myself and watch youtube videos about some girl that used to take creepy photos of herself. Honestly they weren't even creepy. I don't know why I finished the video.
The feeling that's been overwhelming my thoughts for the past year is I want to make things. The problem is I want people to like the things I make. Then I don't feel like I get that, and I shut down again. I'm not sure why I do that. I've been happy with the collage/digital stuff I've been making. I guess the difference is I don't expect people to find them, because I haven't posted them anywhere else. Reading this back kind of makes me think it's a "social media bad" situation.
I got diagnosed with PCOS. At least now I know why it's always been so hard for me to lose weight, or why I have too much body hair, or why my periods have always been awful. They gave me an IUD and I've been suffering through some of the worst cramps I've ever experienced. I hope they go away soon and I can just feel normal. It's nice to have some answers though, after getting told there's nothing wrong with me and I'm just going to have to live with these things.
Going to try to keep making these collages. I really like doing them, and I feel happy when I finish one. That's all I should desire.